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Mementos

need a place to vent or find comfort? you're free to stop by here

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i decided to make a vent thread for those who are seeking a place to let off some steam, are looking to support someone, or need someone to talk to.
so with that being said, this is the place.

please be mindful that this thread may contain some sensitive content depending on what goes in the vents. if it's possibly triggering or goes into a bit of a really deep territory, i suggest you place your content in a spoiler. ❤️ 

i love you all, okay?

please be mindful of others. be respectful.
do not attack others, and definitely do not make fun of, bully, or shame anyone here. this is meant to be a safe thread for those who need a place to go. any form of these things will not be tolerated here.


here's a list of some hotline numbers just in case if anyone needs it. you're not alone, and you still have options if you're in a crisis;

national suicide prevention lifeline - 1-800-273-8255
domestic violence emergency hotline - 1-800-799-7233
alcohol and drug helpline - 1-800-821-4357
national sexual assault hotline - 1-800-656-4673


i can also provide a bunch of websites, videos, playlists, and such that can help ease your mind or can distract you if you ever need it. feel free to add onto the list of other helpful links if you find any!
here's a list that contain some websites, videos, and others that you can find refuge in;
https://www.buzzfeed.com/anjalipatel/soothing-corners-of-the-internet-to-comfort-you-on-the-ba  - a bunch of websites you could use to distract yourself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6EoRBvdVPQ&list=PLFsQleAWXsj_4yDeebiIADdH5FMayBiJo - the "important videos" playlist full of memes and funny videos if you need a laugh.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-xjitW_J39_Q1ure2HlJew - a youtube channel that is about nothing but shiba inu videos and funny videos

https://aggie.io/ - a drawing website you could use to scribble on, maybe you can bring a friend to draw with you. ❤️

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHW1oY26kxQ - a 24/7 lofi hip hop radio that you could listen to for however long you want, if lofi, chill beats, or ambiance is your thing.

https://www.boredbutton.com/ - if you wanna go to a random website and maybe discover some wacky stuff or some dumb games along the way, this is a good place to go!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4993sBLAzGA - here's a livestream of earth from nasa themselves if you'd like to see the world from a far away place! the livestream features soft ambiance and music as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWAdHP7gnFM&list=PLI_pTn6-nUm-PZyvbnL69ysFTegnEU_yO - a no-talking, asmr playlist featuring 34 different videos. if you don't know what ASMR is, here's a website to explain it. (https://www.sleep.org/articles/what-is-asmr/)

 



stay safe, friend. and if you're not feeling well, i really hope you feel better.
you matter, and your happiness is important in this world.
take the time to relax, let yourself breathe.
you'll be okay soon. people care about you. you being happy can make another person happy too. ❤️❤️❤️ 
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im ovulating and my hormones are all outta whack and fucking me up and it sucks 

and im trying to plan a minivacay with my boo and i jsut looekd at the 10 day weather forecast and its gonna be STORMING except for 1 day in the next 10 days and we're trying to go to a waterpark SO THAT SUCKS

aaaaAAA screams

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Was waiting for this thread to be made at some point. Didn't want to make it myself because I didn't want to seem like an edgelord like I always do. I'm going to summarize my life story (even then, I'm still leaving lots of things out), because lord knows I can go on and on about this for hours on end If I don't. I bottled most of this up for quite some time, and I don't really have a personal friend to vent to about this kind of stuff, so I find solace in venting in a semi-public space about it (within reason). This is perfect.

Spoiler for pretty mopey rambling.

Just been dealing with a lot of grief, trauma and rejection this year, and have been in a dark depression for several. For starters, my mother, who was my only real life friend for as long as I could remember, was murdered last year by the person she was seeing soon after divorcing with my father. I still have lots of underlying resentment and blame for my Dad, because the only reason my mom wanted to get with somebody else was because she wanted to get away from my Dad's violent alcoholism that he's had for close to 15 years now. I have a lot of trauma revolving around drugs and alcohol, because my family has always been full of alcoholics and drug-addicts, and a lot of my childhood was filled with violent feuds between my family which worsened with alcohol/drug abuse, and as a result, I never did anything significant with my childhood because I spent it hiding from everything in my room. I have really bad agoraphobia revolving around social situations and adult responsibilities because of how sheltered I was, and It's very crippling since I want to do things with my life, but don't know any approaches to anything and always feel like I have to rely on someone or I panic really bad. I developed a tremendous inferiority complex, BPD and severe anxiety over the years, and always feel like I need to prove myself to people, and always feel rejected and disliked by everybody for whatever reason I conjure in my head. I'm always regretting that I don't have any skills, special knowledge or talent, and am always scrambling to find an excuse to make myself feel special, because anytime I don't, I loathe myself, which is most of the time. I've become a very bitter human being that despises just about everything social because I utterly failed at it, and my cynical nature just chases people away even further.



I feel quarantined by everybody for being the way that I am, and am always feeling as if I have an ultimatum being forced upon me that I need to fix myself before anyone will like me, but feel as If I'm incapable of doing that, even with the professional help I've had, and several types of therapy I've been through. I'm always ruminating about the time and money I've spent, and no matter what I spend each doing, I always feel this deep regret because I know I could've spent it on something to help me be a better person, but I feel stuck. I feel incapable of helping myself or doing something with my life. I'm scared of everything. I can't sleep at night, and It feels like I'm having a suicidal crisis every odd day. I've never felt so powerless and out of control of my own life than I have these past few weeks. I feel genuinely paralyzed, and feel destined to be victim to everything that has happened to me. I feel like my current life has been so screwed up with all of these unfortunate situations that won't budge for one reason or another, and the addition of not being able to make friends in real life, is making my current state nearly impossible to break free from. There's too many variables. So here I sit everyday, staring off into space and just thinking about everything. All at once. All the time, feeling sorry for myself. I hate it. I always wish I could've been something more.


TL;DR - I haven't ever had a real life friend besides my mother, who was recently murdered, nor do I have any talents or memories to make up for it, leaving me to be a fragile, hopelessly unstable mess of a dependent human being who takes comfort in being edgy on the internet. Go figure.

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My apartment management is being awful slow to fix our central air conditioning and I am stuck using an old floor unit someone let me borrow. Its cooling my bedroom but its eating my electric bill bad. I'm afraid of how it will affect my food budget.

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6 hours ago, HazyMaze said:

My apartment management is being awful slow to fix our central air conditioning and I am stuck using an old floor unit someone let me borrow. Its cooling my bedroom but its eating my electric bill bad. I'm afraid of how it will affect my food budget.

Rest easy though because a wall unit AC is much cheaper than central! So that's a blessing for now at least.

But I hear you with the heat. It's 113F here for a whole fucking week.

I've got ferrets and they have strokes after 75F. So the AC HAS to be on for them. I don't regret it.

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I like threads like these. Time to vent. Here we go.

I'm in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives on one side of the country and I live on the opposite side. We are both too young to drive so we can't visit each other for a while. We love each other but it's pretty difficult to communicate sometimes. I'm happy with him though. But I see people in the halls at school or people walking down the street holding hands, hugging, or kissing and they look so happy. Every time I see something like that it almost makes me cry because I can't do any of that with my boyfriend. I can't tell my parents because they're homophobic and they don't know I'm gay. When I say anything about LGBT+ people, they call it disgusting and don't realize they're calling ME disgusting too. I'm not very close with my parents at all and I never want to go home after school because of it.

That's my vent. Thank you for letting me vent somewhere. Sometimes I really need it.

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My turn to vent.. Might get slight tmi?

So.. I came into this month with high nerves. 'This is it, the month I'm gonna have surgery.' 2 months prior I was signed up for a hysterectomy because my body hates me and I've been in pain every time my period comes and goes due to endometriosis. When I was signed up for the surgery, 2 months back, my mom was in the hospital with parathyroid issues and kidney stones- this is important to note.

This month was to start with my first appointment on the 9th, it was a pre-op with the main surgeon to discuss the basics of the surgery & get the form to get my blood work done. 2 days prior to that appointment my mom ends up in the hospital because parathyroid issues & kidney stones (She gets released on the 12th.) I get stressed, mom has to get surgery too now, this very month. Okay.. well, my dad says that we should still work things out nothing overlaps yet, right? My next appointment is the 17th to meet surgeon #2, my moms surgery is on the 18th, right? Right..?

Well, my first appointment goes fine enough, quick in and out just talking details of what will happen what each surgeon is for. Weekend after Grocery stores are empty, all things my family needs are just not.. *there* but we.. well manage.. right? Dad says so.. so we should be fine. 17th arrives, my county goes hard core on the quarantine, no one allowed out past 10pm or something like that, anyway, we meet surgeon #2 he tells me what his job is for the surgery, I wait an hour to get blood work, healthcare denies paying it because it's 'not a needed medical expense.' What? I literally can't get better/pain free without this blood work? Dad says to do it anyway and we will figure out bill later. Okay.. everything's still.. fine.. right? Mom ends up in the hospital that night because of the parathyroid, dad isn't allowed in at all, only patients & doctors allowed in, no visitors. This morning mom was supposed to get surgery, dad is still denied entrance to be there for her, mom demands to be let out & reschedules surgery for the 23rd. My surgery is the 26th. Okay.. this.. is more overlapping than intended but.. we can manage.. right?

Get a call today. Bloodwork/urine tests are contaminated, I'm sick? i am not sure, nurse mentions strep. Okay. "You can't get surgery until you get checked and treated for the contamination, you NEED to come in TOMORROW. if you put it off your surgery will be canceled."
Oh..

Ask dad if I can go in tomorrow. No. He needs to work to pay for all these damn medical bills.
Friday.. maybe? No. UHS is packed that day, Monday? No because Moms surgery, Tuesday? Sure.. but it's right before my surgery if I need treatment for contamination I can't get surgery. But.. that's all that works with dads work schedule..

Dad changes his mind, says he's just gonna use his vacation days next week and take tomorrow off to get me checked.. phew? Iunno.. I'm so stressed I feel physically and emotionally unwell. This month sucks.

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