You two seem to forget one thing: from their point of view, they are decent people and they did the right thing to protect their vision of the country. To protect the civilization, their children, their jobs, their religion or whatever other reason they use. Thus, in their opinion, they have nothing to atone for and what they did wasn't a mistake but a decision they took for the good of the USA.
The most rabid and extreme supporters of Trump and the GOP in general view the 'other side' in pretty much the same way you view them : as people hell bent on destroying everything they hold dear, spouting liberal garbage and waving strange flags during 'those disgusting pride parades where people prance around the streets naked and showing off their deviant sexuality'.
They don't see you as decent people, and hurling abuse towards them will only reinforce their beliefs that the 'other side' is bad and needs to be reined in, taken out of the public place, hidden and 'healed' of their deviant ideas if possible.
Also, it seems that quite a sizeable number of people who voted for Trump cast their votes primarily due to his economic promises, and didn't gave much thought about the policies that would impact other people, nor did they really believe that he would do some of the things he said or that he did them, as they believe that the media in general conflated things to make huge story for the news. I don't think that the coal miners who voted for him because he promised to bring coal back were also clapping their hands and nodding their heads in agreement when he announced that transgender were barred from serving in the army. They probably did not gave it much thought because they were focused on his promise to get their industry to restart.
Besides, I don't think anyone is ever 100% in agreement with every policies set by whatever politician we are voting with. Not you, not me, not anyone. Not everyone who voted for Biden is 100% in agreement with everything he said he would do, but they voted for him because he was the best candidate when compared to the alternative. It's the same for many people who voted for Trump: not everyone who voted for him is 100% in agreement with everything he said or did, but they voted for him because they found Hillary or Biden to be less deserving of becoming President. There seems to be many people afraid that Biden and the Dems will bring 'socialism' to the country, which is bad, thus they voted for Trump, even if they do not like the character and many of the things he says, and their idea of what 'socialism' is can be quite vague; but socialism is the absolute Bad Thing that can happen to the country, thus they have to vote against the socialist Biden and Dems.
You can hate them because they enabled this otherworldly presidency we just lived through, but remember that they aren't a coherent block, they aren't a united front or an army united behind their dear leader, as much as the Dems aren't united, or the LGBT+ community, or the furries, or most any group for that matter. Not everyone follows for the same reason, not everyone agrees on the same thing, and not everyone also has the same priorities in the same order.